That phone call, it changed everything and yet nothing changed. How dare people keep smiling and laughing. How dare the sun come up and keep shining even after the most important part of my life is gone? How selfish is it for me to expect the world to stop spinning for the sake of me and my grief.
My dad has passed. I wake up and realize it is not a dream , my dad has passed and I reinforce it to myself to make it easier in some twisted way. Sometimes it’s easier for me to just ignore the pain and move forward get on with my day. Easier said than done. But I catch myself looking at young toddlers with their grandchildren and realize my dad will never get to meet his. He will never get to give me away at my wedding.
I know I cannot allow myself to dwell on it. Death is a part of life.It was only a matter of time before it caught up with my beautiful family. I cannot allow myself to stay in that dark place because I just know that it will take me into its seductive fold and I will succumb to it, no matter how proud I think I am. Grief is a complicated thing.
I make myself see the positive and realize he would not have wanted me to be strong. He would have wanted me to carry on. And most of all I know I am lucky enough to have had him in my life. I carry his wisdom , his eternal optimism within me and that can never be taken away from me.